1408: The Plaster Fiasco

To the two of you

1. A long time ago, I would have done anything (obviously) for a little bit of your attention. To me, the world was kind of weird because I was living in an emptiness, you were living your own life and observing and ignoring & I could not do anything to make you see where I was. It would have meant everything if you had only seen me. It would have meant survival to me, and I would have thought I hadn't been defeated yet, that I could live a little while longer because there was still a chance for me to overcome, somehow. And in those weirdest times, it never came to me. You did not really respond. Not until later, or essentially, years later, like right around Now, the present time. And now that you have the mind to respond, the mind to answer a Text or press a button or send a Message or dial a number or to Say my name or Like what I am doing or approve of What I am and and, all Those things, well

I don't even care now. weird and annoying isn't it.

2. I guess that's the diagnosis with you. If I don't feel terrible on the surface, then I do feel sad in a deeper way, or I mean, in a subconscious way. I think it is the same thing. I know you are a sign of survival, basically an animal who can save me or who can tear me into pieces. If only you did approve of me - which I am almost sure you do not - if you did still think that I am worthwhile, that I have some gene worth staying around for, if you thought I was beautiful then I wouldn't be doomed, I wouldn't be a sucker who just got caught. I don't know how this happened, only I know that it shouldn't have happened. I know that this is an evil idealisation. That to me, You are life, and you are strength, a species which determines who lives and dies. You a superior creation, an animal of beauty and influence, sitting at the top of an unfair food chain where your approval is life and your dismissal is a kind of extinction. Why did I have to see things this way? in your mind you are None of these things, not perfect and not beautiful and probably not even strong. Only I got suckered and I guess I got caught, and if I am at the mercy of another animal then I guess the animal goes straight to the top of an imaginary line, Can you at least Try to see what I mean?

at this point, it is probably more in my subconscious
only I know it's there.

Funny thing is, Maybe one day you will be like person Number One. All of a sudden you will start noticing, and you will press all the buttons and switches which tell me you actually approve of me. And then it will not matter. There will be another animal, Isn't that just weird? Move around our toys throughout different spots in time, and maybe we could be so much happier. Only we aren't allowed to do that. And when all is said and done, I guess I am glad that we are not.

. . .
I miss you