Five of you; Two paragraphs, each;
In a time, maybe, where everything will change
~
1. What you appeared to be, love, is looking radically different from the truth. I was very suspicious I admit, from the word 'Go,' only I bought the T.V. advertisement for a while, and I believed in appearances. I thought you were a sandwich. And if I am judging now, you are not a sandwich. You're a cactus!! and anyone who thinks a cactus is a sandwich must be Dumb. Only do you know something? I actually understand it. Not most people think a cactus is a sandwich, but if we are looking at a person who dragged his clothes all over the desert, dying of thirst, and we showed that person a cactus - - - Well if he says it looks like a sandwich, I feel his pain. I understand what happened.
Now, though. this is fun; I started with suspicion, I juggled suspicion, and maintained a juggle before everything was a big, giant suspicion. And now I'm more suspicious than I was before! And that's fun. You are a mystery, a multitude of notes, updates, comments, questions, realizations & manifestations, which I can only treat like a math equation. What is the answer? what, really, are you? How much of the original advertisement can you be hiding? I am not sure. It takes a sharp mind to pierce the issue with lasers and find out what to believe; And is my mind sharp enough? I don't know, only the challenge is a people person's dream.
2. There are some things, which we see. Then, they fascinate us; Maybe it is a song on i-tunes, which you just want to buy. Maybe it is a butterfly in the woods, which you really want, because you are bizarre and you collect butterflies. Maybe it isn't something you Want for yourself, even. Just something that fascinates you: Like a book you keep on reading, a pair of shoes you always want to wear, or a game you downloaded, which you can't put down. In the human world, friend, this is You to me; I see you & I can't understand it, only my mind is doing handstands. Sometimes we don't have enough money to buy the song on i-tunes, or the butterfly just escaped. And I can't really do anything at all, bud. Your world is really far away from mine, because yes, it would slip through my fingers. And there's a tantalization that has no words. I don't know how to feel
Two years ago, I think you would have depressed me. That's what happened when I met the Rockinbird. when I met that person, I saw a monster made out of nature, an animal that breathed with all the swans and flies and the poison ivy, and I felt myself dying. Now, it's different, because I've been through a fire, a really weird fire, a separate emotional Battle Royale. It brought me so close to death and suicide, that I came out with upgraded armor; Yes, you are in a faraway world, and it feels much better than mine. Only I'm not scared. Sure, you're astounding, but I can hardly feel it. I am not scared of how perfect you are. And you know what else? when I spoke with you, next to the grey walls, I almost felt realer than ever before. As if, maybe, you gave More attention & care & reality than I ever found in Austin? But that's what makes you a tough & tantalizing case. You are somewhere in the balance of 'Here' and 'Gone,' somewhere that I can catch you, but I think you are uncatchable. It's so rich with weird ambiguity, so unfailingly rich. People are greater pieces of art than books & movies will ever be.
3. There is something about your approach. It confuses me, or maybe if I'm being honest, 'bothers' me. I don't claim to be 'Right.' Only I'll go back to a favorite model of mine: 'Attractive Human Qualities = Money.' it's a controversial little thing, and I admit that all metaphors are busted in some way. Only the more I come back to it (Weird as it sounds) the more I find it useful. For some reason, it helps me understand. Understand why I feel certain ways. I dunno
You are 'Rich.' You can mold human beings like clay models, That's how much they want to know you. As for you? people are your candy. We'll say that intimacy is high on your menu. Now some people are like that, & they spend like crazy. They feed the need & they know everything about it. It is easy to roll our eyes at these people's expressions, the 'I am so blessed' and the 'I love this person so much' and other things. Only they are feeding. They are taking resources and cashing in for survival. I dunno, I simply feel weird when I see some things. Things that, maybe, you said? You don't want your face in the feeding trough. Only you demand to have it in front of you? You see an item for sale on the internet, then you talk about how you want it. And you never actually buy it? because you know your money is always there? If you were poor, you would be scrambling, jealous, crying into the wind about what you want. Only because the money is there, we go into Coy mode - 'Not gonna take it; not gonna eat it. Only I really do want it.' This is an idea that's flying out in space. Go ahead and call me crazy. You are really, probably right.
4. I think it is finally leaving me. I am moving on. From you, and the big galaxy of emotion I let you generate. I'm getting out of that. This year, it's been all you, all rebuilding on the Ground Zero that I somehow allowed you to cause. What's weird is how huge it was. Bigger than I thought. The second greatest explosion that I really had to burn though; Maybe, if I think about it, the greatest . . . Not second
Years ago, it was heartbreak. To get over that, there was a convoluted adventure. I dunno. Go read the stuff I wrote back then, Some weird trip to a dream city, a plunge into the underworld, two hundred sonnets and me becoming a mini-Hamlet. After a convoluted journey, I could move on. There was a clear moment of vindication. Only you are different. First of all, it's not heartbreak this time, And second of all, it's ended with a whisper and not a climax. Once I left the BSM it was easy for things to drift away. You are leaving my system. Heartbreak is not the only thing that can decimate a heart. You are drifting away from my soul. I wonder if we will ever really talk again.
7. I knew you were super. I knew you were one of a kind, and I found something that should not escape. Only I know it now, even better. I have seen the things that the World cranks out. They are beanie babies, emojis, toys, Costumes, and dolls compared with you. They are things that I never really wanted. They are things I would take because there is nothing better in the Store. Person #2 on this list is the only possible exception, only Everything else is just funny. I understand now, Better. How right I was to see you, and know that the readings on the People metre were high. I know you were the right person to sing about
I wonder if I will ever tell you. Or, if you will let me. Like a rockin bird in a tree, with which you got Linked so shamelessly, you are hard to get on the ground. You are always in the air. Only I wish that you could know. How similar we are. How minds like these are not everywhere. How minds like these may never find a home. The one time I asked you to talk about closer things, you shook like a little leaf, and I knew it wouldn't happen. Well it seems really high on the list of What a Shames. Only I don't know. There are things I might not know about. And again, leaving the BSM makes me think that I never will. I know now. It was utterly, completely real
~
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