1417: Megamenestes

1. I'll be feeling it, & I'll be doing Fine; having a day where the mental temperature is low. I'll think I have a handle on chaos, and variables, until something breaks me because I see something dangerous. There are a lot of things like that, words we don't really need to hear, or digest, and things we shouldn't be looking at because they dig holes and ruin balances. Do you know something? some of these things, Discouraging things & distracting ones, are preventable; You can avoid them. 'I'm not going to listen to this person talk. It only makes me worried.' Or, 'I'm not going watch a scary movie; it will make me afraid.' Or, 'I'm not going to look at the photos from Back Then. they will make me sad, and bitter.' These are negative, and preventable, sources. Well I have my negative sources, too, something I see that easily ruins everything.

Only it's very low on the Prevent-O-Metre

Do you want me to prevent it? do you want me to stop seeing it? Then I will have to quit my job, and I can't go outside and I can't ever go back to school. They don't mean any harm, I don't think, putting me in a certain position at work, making me stand on the front line without a helmet, and this is where days can be lost in less than a minute. Only it's everywhere else too. I wish this were different. Trying to counter my own pessimism, my first Thought is, 'Stop acting like your day depends on something else. Take control; Make your own good day & don't ever let it be ruined.'

Fair. the point is fair;
Only go back to the example of the photos, or the scary movie; if you were forced to see a photo that made you sad, every day, your idea of 'Taking control' would be to go somewhere else. Get away from it, get away from everything, Go to a place where the parade won't be rained on. And what about this? Where is that? I don't know; I don't know everything, only I'll just say I wish it were different. Maybe you were right when you told me that I should - -

- .. .

2. This is a line from my old website, the place where the old entries appeared:

' . . . there's no such thing as Talent, no such things as good manners; no such thing as Personality, skill, kindness, Sense of Humor, confidence, emotion & responsibility. The cynical voice inside me says that None of these things exist, that there are only Two things you can be, Attractive & Unattractive.'

It wasn't a pessimistic entry. It was actually taking the cynical idea written above & kind of dismissing it, opting for something more hopeful. I'm not really sure, though, and I'm hovering by the idea again. Forget beauty, Forget man, forget Woman, intimacy, attraction, Forget romance, relationship, Chemistry, marriage, and forget anatomy. This is a really aesthetic rule, which is broader than any of those spheroids. Being attractive is important for everything, for a soft drink and a T.V. set, and a painting and a Candidate, an interviewee, a movie, and a dog. Let's not try and inject Chemistry into this, because then we've scrolled too far on our little Google map, and I want us to look at the big map, and see,

Maybe there really are Two things you can be, Attractive & Unattractive
It's an aesthetic law of nature, and you have to live with it?

. . . Maybe.
Hey it's after 2 A.M. And every minute after 2 A.M. you can add an additional grain of salt to apply in your reading of these entries. I don't even know what's going on any longer. I think I'm going to go watch a documentary that I have been wanting to see.